Archive for August, 2011

Shards of Fun

Posted on Aug 21, 2011 10:00:34 PM

TRAGEDY OF THE WEEK – August 29, 2011

Sponsored by: Protective Glass Globes – These are the ingenious invention of an obviously brilliant designer and scientist who promoted his belief that the best and most reliable way to protect a glass light bulb was to cover it with more glass.

AND NOW, PRESENTING, THE TRAGIC COMEDY;

Shards of Fun

Did you ever see that Brady Bunch episode when Bobby Brady reiterates the wise words, “Mom always says, ‘Don’t play ball in the house’.” Well there is a reason that moms of the past, present, and even moms of the future will continue to quote the very discerning Carol Brady because no ball, no matter how soft, can escape the ultimately breakable force of an excited child in the “throws” of an indoor game of ball.

Tom decided to initiate a game of catch in the kitchen. Actually, it was more like a game of “let’s whip the ball at each other.”

“Catch!” Tom yelled as he initiated a game of “catch” and whipped a small, spongy ball at Henry.

“Oooff! Henry exclaimed, laughing as the ball pegged him in the stomach. He then whipped it at his sister’s head.

“Ow!” she complained, making a face.

“Oh, come on, Lanie,” Tom said, “that didn’t hurt.”

“Oh yeah, Dad,” and she smiled and threw it as hard as she could at Tom’s chest. It bounced off, and he grabbed it.

“Tucker, watch out!” Tom yelled pointing to a space behind Tucker, and pegging him in the back of the head when Tucker turned to see that there was really nothing behind him. I quietly watched from the kitchen doorway. I wasn’t very concerned about the game because it was a harmless sponge ball, and I had learned a long time ago never to display anything in my home that was not made of titanium. Everyone was screeching, laughing, and having fun. It was a perfect family moment.

“Hey, Tucker, check this out,” Tom said as he threw the ball up into the ceiling-fan light. The ball spun around in the fan and shot out at Lanie.

“Whoa, that’s cool!” Henry said, running to grab the ball before Lanie could pick it up.
“ Hey, Dad, watch this!” he said as his arm shot forward with enough force to send this ball into orbit. Unfortunately, its trajectory was stopped when it hit the glass globe of the ceiling-fan light. The ball was too soft to actually smash the globe, but it did crack the glass at the edge of the screw causing the screw to become loose. The glass globe fell to the floor. It smashed into thousands of little shards on the decorative rug. “Whoops, sorry, Mom,” Henry quietly said shrugging his shoulders as everyone carefully tiptoed out of the kitchen with their bare feet. I, being the only one with shoes on, became the only candidate qualified to clean up the mess. As I swept up the bigger pieces of glass, Henry stood in the kitchen doorway.

“Sorry about your light, Mom.”

“That’s okay, I’m not mad. It’s not really special or anything and maybe we can find something better.”

“Yeah, like metal ‘cause then it won’t break when I do this the next time.”

I laughed, “I don’t think a metal light bulb-cover will work in the kitchen. I ‘d like something pretty.”

“All right,” he said, “then let’s get a disco ball.”

Privileges Lost

Posted on Aug 20, 2011 02:16:20 PM

COMEDY OF THE WEEK – August 29, 2011

Sponsored by: Twisted Reasoning – This is the ability possessed by children between the ages of 4 and 8 to take the absolutely brilliant disciplinary lesson that you have just so eloquently executed and twist it into the stupidest most illogical thing that you have ever said as a parent.

AND NOW, PRESENTING THE HILARIOUS COMEDY:

Privileges Lost

“Come on, Mom!” 6-year-old Henry yelled when I told him his computer time was over.

“Henry, your time is up,” I said.

“Well, I don’t care. I’m finishing my game,” he scoffed, not even turning his head away from the computer to acknowledge me.

“No, you are not. I gave you your 5 minute warning and now it’s time to do something else.”

“Why don’t YOU go do something else, MOM.” He said emphasizing his words with the attitude of a flip teenager. “You’re such a pain in the butt.”

“You’ve just lost your privilege to play computer, Mister. I’m not putting up with that kind of rude behavior. If you can’t respect me and the rules about computer turns, you’ll just lose your privilege to have a turn.”

“No, no, wait Mom, LISTEN! I’m almost done with this level. Just wait a sec’, GEEZ!”

“Your done with this level now,” I said, “and you’ve lost your privilege for tomorrow too. Now go to your room before you lose anything else.”

“FINE THEN!” Henry yelled as he climbed down from the chair and stomped past me, slamming his feet into every step as he went up to his room. When he got to the top he turned, shook his head and sassed. “Your ideas are stupid, Mom. Computer isn’t even a privilege. It’s just something I do.”

“Everything in this house is a privilege, Henry.”

“Well, then next time just take my BATHROOM privileges away!” and Henry went to his room and slammed his door.

Ten minutes later, Henry called from his room.

“Mom, can I use the bathroom?”

As tempted as I was I did allow him to use the bathroom. I heard him leave the bathroom, but I hadn’t heard a flush.

“Hey,” I called to him up the stairs, “you haven’t lost your ‘flushing privileges’.”

I heard him go back into the bathroom and flush. When I looked up the stairs, Henry was coming out of the bathroom giggling. He saw me, smiled, and went back to his room.