About

Posted on Feb 22, 2024 02:16:20 PM

My name is Ellie Heywood, and I first began this blog in 2011. I don’t know what I was thinking, but every mom I knew had a blog back then, and I figured it was probably something I should do too. Charlie was four and Tucker was a newborn, and I thought having a blog would be a cute way to share and document things that were happening in my life as a mother of two children. I began writing some of the funny moments from my life with Tom, Charlie, and Tucker, but I soon discovered that the funniest part of this endeavor was the belief that I would be able to manage a blog while caring for two young children. I had no idea what magical formula other moms used in order to find time to write about their lives, but the only formula that worked well for me was the kind that came in a container after eight weeks of unsuccessful nursing with Tucker.

I continued in vain to find time to write and create stories that teetered on the edge of ridiculous. If I could get myself to laugh at the daily struggles that were out of my control, maybe other moms would relate to my chaos and smile in the comfort of a shared reality. I spent a few weeks passionately immersed in what was clearly an illusory thought. I even shared my impersonation of an artist by posting illustrations to accompany my writing. After just a few weeks, I was completely exhausted. My stories went from weekly to monthly, and soon they just faded away. Other “blogger moms” found time to make their lives look effortless, and they easily dressed their advice in the costume of a clever story. Unfortunately for me,I was lucky when I found the time to formulate an adult thought, and the only clever dressing I did occurred in moments when I tried to make my pajamas look like an actual outfit. My favorite stories became the ones that preceded a child’s nap, and I soon found that sleeping early and often was the only advice I had to offer. The thought of napping was much more enticing than the thought of writing or drawing in those brief quiet moments to myself. I discovered I was an expert cat-napper, complete with actual cats who would curl up close while I dreamed about vacations, quiet dinners with Tom, and family pets that had somehow been replaced by a flock of talking raccoons. My naps took over my free time, and the loopy sleep thoughts that accompanied them did not offer much in the way of story potential. They were funny in a peculiar way but strongly lacking content in the “ha-ha-ha”. way, and they were better left unsaid. If you’ve ever seen the cringey, reluctant smile of a friend when you say, “Hey, let me tell you about my dream,” you know what I mean. If you ever really want to hear about my pet raccoon dreams let me know.

Just before Lanie was born, I regained some of my spirit and confidence, and once again, I fooled myself into thinking I would have time to be productive outside the world of motherhood. My blog was still sitting there in internet purgatory, and I decided it was time to try again. Charlie was in school, and Tucker, although anxious, was cooperative and easy to manage. I was sure I had enough stories and enough experience to not only entertain other moms but advise them as well. Please feel free to insert your most sinister maniacal laugh here because that is the sound that echoes through my head when I think of all the things that I had imagined myself doing after my third child was born.

And then Lanie arrived! She was welcomed with the usual happiness and excitement, and maybe with even a little extra enthusiasm, because she was our first girl. Unfortunately, Lanie arrived seventeen days late and with an agenda that did not include allowing me any time to do anything that required the use of two hands. I honestly think that she was expecting to be born as a walking and talking toddler. When she realized that this was not a condition of her birth, she was really pissed off, and she made it clear that it was all my fault. The only way to soothe her was to hold her 24/7, even while she slept, and that is what I did until she actually became a toddler.

I loved being a mom of three, and there were so many fun and funny moments in those early years. Lanie had an energy about her that was inspiring, and I returned to my blog with renewed spirit and determination. I was so pleased with myself when I was able to keep it going consistently for a few months. Lanie was fascinated when I drew pictures and made little paintings to illustrate my stories, but she had no tolerance for my desire to sit still and write. She liked to go, go, go, and I found that leaving the house with her was a far better choice than trying to entertain her at home.

There have been moments over the past few years when I have quietly added a story to this blog, but I never told anyone about it. I liked that no one knew it existed, and no one was expecting anything from me. My writing was much better when it was naturally inspired, and I wasn’t pressuring myself to come up with funny things to meet a deadline I had placed upon myself.

I know it sounds risky, and you may be rolling your eyes, but I think I’m truly ready to get this blog going again in 2024. My life feels different, and it’s not just because our family has expanded to include Henry and Elsie. I have had thirteen years of experiences that have shaped my realization that no matter how hard I fight for a 30-hour day, it’s probably not going to happen. I have also accepted that there is very little chance that my life will ever be organized enough for me to promise a weekly, biweekly or even monthly story. My stories will happen as my life happens in fits and starts that swirl together like a load of laundry with the rebel red sock. I promise to fashion these moments in humor, because I know I’m not the only one whose foundation garments include a milk-stained nursing bra and underwear that is reshaping itself as a flag of surrender. Laughter is my couture, and my closet is full and ready to be shared.

I am happy with my progress so far.I have not only been adding to this blog, but I recently completed my first novel. If you enjoy these stories, please check out my book, Ellie Embossed, A Novel Memoir. It is now available on Amazon and written under the pen name Page Cogger Sostek.