Privileges Lost

Posted on Aug 20, 2011 02:16:20 PM

COMEDY OF THE WEEK – August 29, 2011

Sponsored by: Twisted Reasoning – This is the ability possessed by children between the ages of 4 and 8 to take the absolutely brilliant disciplinary lesson that you have just so eloquently executed and twist it into the stupidest most illogical thing that you have ever said as a parent.

AND NOW, PRESENTING THE HILARIOUS COMEDY:

Privileges Lost

“Come on, Mom!” 6-year-old Henry yelled when I told him his computer time was over.

“Henry, your time is up,” I said.

“Well, I don’t care. I’m finishing my game,” he scoffed, not even turning his head away from the computer to acknowledge me.

“No, you are not. I gave you your 5 minute warning and now it’s time to do something else.”

“Why don’t YOU go do something else, MOM.” He said emphasizing his words with the attitude of a flip teenager. “You’re such a pain in the butt.”

“You’ve just lost your privilege to play computer, Mister. I’m not putting up with that kind of rude behavior. If you can’t respect me and the rules about computer turns, you’ll just lose your privilege to have a turn.”

“No, no, wait Mom, LISTEN! I’m almost done with this level. Just wait a sec’, GEEZ!”

“Your done with this level now,” I said, “and you’ve lost your privilege for tomorrow too. Now go to your room before you lose anything else.”

“FINE THEN!” Henry yelled as he climbed down from the chair and stomped past me, slamming his feet into every step as he went up to his room. When he got to the top he turned, shook his head and sassed. “Your ideas are stupid, Mom. Computer isn’t even a privilege. It’s just something I do.”

“Everything in this house is a privilege, Henry.”

“Well, then next time just take my BATHROOM privileges away!” and Henry went to his room and slammed his door.

Ten minutes later, Henry called from his room.

“Mom, can I use the bathroom?”

As tempted as I was I did allow him to use the bathroom. I heard him leave the bathroom, but I hadn’t heard a flush.

“Hey,” I called to him up the stairs, “you haven’t lost your ‘flushing privileges’.”

I heard him go back into the bathroom and flush. When I looked up the stairs, Henry was coming out of the bathroom giggling. He saw me, smiled, and went back to his room.